A guest post by seeker of badassery, Marcella Chamorro.

au·then·tic / [aw-then-tik] adjective

 
1. not false or copied; genuine; real
2. having the origin supported by unquestionable evidence

When I think of authenticity, what first comes to mind is an envelope enclosed with seal of red wax. I think of notaries and documents, but I hardly ever think of myself.

Since I was young, I have been told to strive to fit in. The mold I’ve been told to fit changes over time. In pre-school, I should not have cried. In high school, I should have been friendly with the popular crowd. In college, I should have groomed myself to get a job. In my twenties, I should steer relationships toward marriage. And the list goes on and on, morphing, twisting, and turning us into spirals of what I should be — all to achieve some predetermined reward.
 
But guess what? Letting my true self shine has granted me even larger rewards.
 
Instead of aiming for what others steer us toward, we can all aim for that what feels right deep inside.
 
We have all something churning around that wants to be set free — creativity, words, a new business, a simmering love, and more. Chances are you know exactly what I’m talking about. You probably know a few things you want to try, but you haven’t yet allowed yourself to start.
 
If you don’t try these things, are you being truly authentic?
 
What exactly is holding you back? Most times, our desire to fit in inherently hinders our creativity and ability to even let ourselves think about the possibilities churning deep within. What if you did? What if you allowed yourself the space to think about what you dream about doing (even if it may seem crazy to someone else)?
 
Do me a favor. Take out a piece of paper, and make two columns. In the left column, write down a list of all of the dreams and goals you can think of. In the right column, next to each dream, write down the one single thing you can do today to achieve that dream. Don’t cheat — just one, and keep it simple!
 
Congratulations! By allowing yourself to strive for what’s deep inside (who you really are), you’re one step closer to being the most authentic version of yourself.
 
Marcella Chamorro just released her first book, titled To Be or Like to Be: The Need for Authenticity in Online Marketing in the Era of Ultra-Informed Consumers. She is a blogger, speaker, and consultant based in Managua, Nicaragua. Her work focuses on helping companies and professional individuals extend their brands to the digital space. She spends her free time in the gym or running, which is how she gets her best ideas.

A guest post by one of the kindest, warmest + deepest men I have had the great fortune to meet, Bernardo Mendez.
 

 
“The art of happiness is to serve all, and all shall serve you.” ~ Yogi Bhajan.

 

The inevitability of death is both the greatest reminder and the most powerful advocate of the raw and visceral need to get to know your truth during this lifetime. Hidden within that truth, lining the warm empty space that surrounds your heart’s core, lays a burning longing to serve humanity, to radiate life outward and offer your unique gifts to the world.

 

This longing starts out as a dim mutter, faint as the edge of a cloud on a summer sky. With time, the sound grows louder and its rhythm more pulsating. As your heart opens up to feel the intense spectrum of life – with its incredible loving highs and its gut devastating lows – the message grows clearer and louder.

 

In time, this noise forms a sound.

 
This sound is the most exquisite and moving symphony that your heart has ever danced to.

 
It’s the song of you.

 
It’s your very own song as a manifestation of devotion and service to others.

 

Your soul’s beat is a force that is dying to open life and dance to it.
Not as a means to entertain, but as a way to be used up and exhaust your life through giving your essence completely.

 

If you are anything like me, you’ve probably realized by now that going after “it”: the ideal body, the perfect credit score, the beautiful house, the really cool SUV, doesn’t really cut it anymore. In other words, you recognize that by definition, running after these will always leave you thirsty. You understand in a real and experiential way that these pursuits loose their glow after a fleeting period of time.

 

Perhaps one Tuesday morning on the way to work, or one inconsequential evening on a cold winter day, it hits you ever so strongly that time will not stop for you. You face the inevitable truth that you can either keep pretending to be deaf or you can open your heart to be one with your song and better yet, sing it openly to the world around you.

 

Then, it happens. Every fear, every doubt, every frustration, and every insecurity surfaces up to punch you in the face.

 

It hurts so deeply that at first you feel taken aback by this force, “It shouldn’t feel like this” you say, “It should just flow.” So you start and stop, give some and hold back some, attempt to think your way through this mess but keep going around in an endless circuit that appears to have no end. You surrender to the fact that you can’t figure out why the universe doesn’t seem to cooperate.

 

And then, something magical happens. Something so profound and life altering takes place that it forever changes your course in life. Your open, vulnerable and radiating heart takes over and moves you to make the most important decision of your life, to give regardless.

 

You make a decision from the core of your being that the gift you have to share is not really yours but that it simply needs to be given through you.

 

At this point it ceases to be about you, it ceases to be about the outcome, whatever comes from your giving is not your focus anymore.

 

You give because it has to be given and you give because not doing so kills your soul.

 

You recognize that no one might want to receive this gift but instead of subduing your desire to please others, you make it your life’s mission to sing your song at the top of your lungs.

 

You sing it when you get praise and most importantly, you courageously sing it when no one seems to care.

 

And then, through a lifetime of openly expressing your gifts, through the absolute devotion to use yourself up, you become one with this love. You may live in the hearts of others or you might not, you might be rich or completely broke, but now it doesn’t really matter because you have managed to share your love with others in the form of your gift.

 

You are ready to face your own death without regrets and know with every fiber of your being that you will die completely given.

 

Does anything in your life need to shift TODAY, so that when death comes you can go knowing you have given your essence completely?

 

Bernardo Mendez is the creator and host of YourGreatLifeTV, a video blog designed to help people live a more present and conscious life. You can connect with him on twitter @yourgreatlifetv or Facebook

 

A guest post by the fiery hot Michele Lisenbury Christensen.

 

You and I – in our ongoing adventure of creating lives we love – are well-served to focus on and expand the positive in our worlds. What you focus on expands. As you think, so you become. But if you’ve got that positive focus in place already, I want to pull you aside right now and whisper a darker love-secret in your ear: Your irritation… your resentment, your frustrations, your annoyances… all that icky stuff: THAT is the next frontier of your amazing life. Learn to love it and it will guide you to everything you want to become, do, and have.

 

 

Hooked on the light
 

If you’re that person (maybe others know this about you better than you do – ask them!) who’s gotten hooked on the positive – who’s superstitious about admitting when something’s irritating – who’s afraid she’ll ‘jinx’ her life if she names the shadow-side, then I want to grab you by the shoulders and (with so much love) headbutt you with this message: your positive approach is a fantastic foundation, but it’s not the whole house. Don’t let it become a form of avoidance. Develop the skills and courage to pull out the darker stuff, and you’ll be able to work the alchemy to weave it, too, into power and light.

 
What irritates you?
 

Maybe your partner has a habit of leaving laundry on the doorknob EVERY TIME. Or a colleague can’t seem to get the details right with your most important client. Or your resentment (think of it this way: the thoughts your mind re-sends, re-sends, re-sends over and over again) focuses on something you think YOU are doing wrong. Not good enough as a mother. Body not right in this way or that. Snippy again with someone who didn’t deserve it.

Whether it’s toward a situation, a person, or an internal irritation, all these resentments and frictions are straw you can spin into pure gold.

 
The truth about irritation
 

Irritation is a signpost guiding us to a hidden pocket of desire – latent power – in our lives. Always. Never more, never less.

 

Picture this: you’re about to leave the house. You’re in a hurry. A fairy godmother steps in front of the door just as you put your hand on its handle. She smiles gently, “Darling, haven’t you forgotten something important?” But you don’t see her as the benevolent force she is. “WHAT?!” you snap. “I’m late already! Just tell me what I’ve forgotten! Why are you messing with my head?” She’s not. It’s crucial that YOU be the one to look underneath the irritation and find its treasures.

 

Irritation and resentment occurs when we’re stepping past a fear and it indicates we have some desire or turn-on that’s stuck underneath that unacknowledged fear. As a result, I adore resentment because every resentment is a GOLDMINE of untapped life energy. And that’s what we’re looking for every day, right? The pockets of US-ness that are hidden and inaccessible right now but can be unlocked and lived into.

 

Today’s the day you, too, fall in love with your irritation, if only because you know what’s right underneath it.

 
How to love your irritation
 

If you can love the stuff that shows up as irritation, you can follow it back to the desire underneath it and open to receive that. So long as you stay in irritation, nurturing your resentment and “put-upon” feelings, the skill you’re building is skill at being irritated. You’re crafting a life of irritation and toleration.

 

1. Admit it: you’re irritated.

 

I like to do this in writing. Complete the sentence over and over: “I resent that….” Get a good listing of the things that are stuck in your craw. This is simply good hygiene, like vacuuming your living room or flossing your teeth. Got your list?

 

2. Flirt with your irritation.

 

Now, loosen your grip. Find the turn-on in being irritated. All sensation is sensational, when you feel into it. Happy things make you purr. Let your irritation make you growl. But this time, enjoy it. You may have to release some disapproval of the not-nice-ness of feeling this way. That’s just a concept. Let it go, and notice: disapproving of irritation never made you one ounce less irritated. Loving your irritation will. Find the irritation in your body.

 

Breathe into its sensations. Give them room to expand. Move in the way they might enjoy.

 

You’re not wallowing; you’re moving the energy of irritation so it has somewhere to go.

 

3. Get curious about what’s underneath the irritation.

 

When you’re really approving of being exactly as irritated or resentful as you are, no more and no less, it’s time to get curious. “What is this pointing to?” What desire, positive intention, intuitive information, or latent energy is underneath this irritation? I realized I was irritated that my husband didn’t call when he was going to be late. Underneath that? I wanted freedom to come and go as I pleased. My client Joe resented that his wife seldom wanted sex. He discovered he was afraid his most vibrant, zestful days were behind him, but he wanted a present and future full of vitality and turn-on, both inside and outside the bedroom.

 

4. Lean into the desire and the game of not having it yet.

 

Nice people like us… spiritual people, even… we try to let go of desires, especially if we fear they’re unattainable. Didn’t the Buddha say desire was the root of all suffering? I’ve tried the eradicate-desire path. My desires just went underground and came out sideways. As irritation. What I’ve learned is that letting go of the desire through mindful observation works great on superficial, passing fancies.

 

I believe many of our desires are not superficial causes of suffering but meaningful signposts guiding us toward our best path, for our own good and for the good of all.

 

That’s why those desires are so persistent: they’re marching orders from our inner (or higher – however you want to view it) headquarters.

 

It’s important to note, however, that we can get right back into that futile, suffering-causing cycle if we become fixated on the realization of the desire.

 

Satisfaction doesn’t actually depend on attainment, when it comes right down to it. Don’t mistake the marching orders for a commandment to reach the destination. They just guide our direction. Just as you found turn-on in the irritation itself, now look for the delicious sensations of desire. Wriggle down into the longing, and thoroughly enjoy it as an experience complete unto itself. Desire is not a pimple that needs to be popped. It’s more like a tickle… You want both the relief of its resolution and for it to never end. Savor it.

 

When you have one of these deep, persistent desires, let the process of being with it be a delight unto itself.

 
Here are some great questions to ask in the process:
 

- If you knew it was a game, how would you play with it?
- If you knew you were going to get what you want – that what you really wish for in the situation is not only NOT impossible, but actually inevitable and right around the corner – what would be different? How would you feel, act, and communicate differently? How would being that way be its own reward?

 

5. Flirt with the other person.

 

Presuming there’s another person involved in the irritation (so many of mine are with myself!), in this step, you can involve them. Now that you’re clearly seeing the personal rewards of enjoying the desire underneath your irritation, you’re far less attached to the other person changing themselves or their behavior, right? That’s a fantastic place from which to invite them to do so. Tricky, huh?

 
Approval: A radical approach
 

 

In our culture, we’ve been thoroughly indoctrinated that we can manage those we claim to ‘love’ through doling out approval and disapproval. Carrots and sticks. Smiles and frowns. But when I examine my own cleanest motivations we realize something deeper:

every time I do something for your approval, I resent having to pay a toll.

 

And every time I regulate myself to make sure I stay off your shit list, I hate you a little bit for being willing to put me on it at all. Do I still do things to gain others’ approval and avoid their disapproval? Yes. But I envision and work toward a world where we’re all more at choice and less embroiled in manipulation than that – especially with the partners and children we love the most (and have most been taught to ‘manage’ in these ways).

 

 

In my experience, when I stop trying to get other people to change by threatening “I’ll be pissed at you if you keep doing that” or promising “there’s approval waiting as soon as you do this” I open the door to more genuine motivation. I can show them a more intimate chamber of my heart. I can share the true desire I have and the experience they would make possible (for me, for themselves, and often for the wider world) if they stepped into relationship with my desire and with their own.

 

For example, my husband Kurt (remember the lout who didn’t come home and how much I resented that?). When I got into relationship with my desire, I said, “I’d love to be able to be out, too, on my own, and ask myself “what do I feel like doing before I go home? That would give me such a feeling of freedom.” He felt into that desire in me and found in himself an authentic inspiration to be a part of creating freedom for the woman he loved. Note that it wasn’t, “I gotta get out of trouble with her after I was late” or “I’ll get a biscuit from her if I’m a good boy.” It was desire relating to desire. We found a way for me to have an open-ended time out on my own just a few days later. Turned us both on.

 

6. If helpful, take a long view.

 

That last example was fairly simple. Other times, it’s been less tidy. The other person is sometimes defensive. I (or you!) may have been nasty in the past about this same topic. There may be some mess to clean up and a longer-term campaign to play with. In those cases, keep cycling through all these steps so you can maintain your turn-on and delight around the situation.

 

Stay in approval of yourself, your desire, and the other person.

 

From that place, you can flirt harder with them, with finesse. In my work as a turned-on marriage coach, this kind of approach is often necessary for the partner who wants more sex… Over time, they stay connected to their partner, loving and approving of that person. But their stance is playfully dismissive of the sexual stalemate between them: they tease themselves and the other person about all the ways – and reasons – they’ve avoided such a delicious, nourishing territory in their lives.

 

Enjoy this process. It’s so very pleasurable if you really throw yourself into it. Your irritations love you… learn to love them back. And I’d love to hear how it’s going.

 

At age 23, Michele Lisenbury Christensen dedicated herself to helping powerful women and men unite success, spirituality, and sensuality when she embarked on a career as a leadership and love coach. In the 15 years since, she’s crafted a smokin’ 11+ year marriage of her own, had two happy kids, and been a trusted advisor to couples, singles, and leaders around the world. Toe-curling pleasure on a daily basis empowers Michele to serve and scintillate her clients and the readers of her articles at www.lovingwithpower.com.